What do you do when...

What do you do when you feel like there is absolutely no one on your side? I ask this question because never in my life have I felt as alone as I have the last few days. I have allowed myself to sacrifice friendship in exchange for the love of someone who has really let me down lately. I can't imagine there is anyone but him who has even the slightest clue as to how much emotional pain I'm really in. Even he doesn't know how much. I'm really hurting right now. I think I have become depressed, and I really don't know why or when it started. I just know that I'm not the person I should be. I found myself lying awake at 3 in the morning, unable to sleep and bawling my eyes out because I couldn't shake the knowledge that I have very few people I can really call "friends". I only fell asleep with the help of a sleep aid and chanting "God is my strength" allowed me to stop crying and calm myself enough to fall asleep. I feel like God really is all I have, and that should be all I need. I still need more though...

Introducing...Me(:

My name is Jordan. I live in a small town. It's a place where you're guaranteed to run into someone you know everyday. A lot of those people you run into are people you went to high school with. I love it. I am 19 years old and live with my boyfriend of three years, Chris Kiser. He's the best! I'm a student at UNC Charlotte, where I am studying to become an elementary school teacher. I love UNC Charlotte. I was originally a psychology major, but after a semester, I decided that I wanted to be more involved in making a difference in the lives of children. I can't think of a better way to do that than to teach school.

I love my job, which involves video games, laser tag, and a rock wall. Oh, and go-karts. You guessed it. I work at NASCAR Speedpark. It really is an awesome job.

I enjoy reading, shopping, cooking, cleaning(yes!), playing the wii and the playstation 2, spending time with my wonderful family and friends, and spending my nights off with my boyfriend. I love fast food, especially Taco Bell and Sonic. I watch Bones, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, Make It or Break It, Celebrity Rehab, Tough Love, Maury, and Steve Wilkos religiously.

I have some issues with having faith in the people around me. I do have faith in the Lord. I'm a Christian, and I'm proud of it. I trust that God is going to lead me wherever I'm destined to go.

My mom is the best. I love her to death! I wouldn't be who I am today if it were not for her.

I'm a Republican. I'm pro-life, but I don't care if gays get married or not. I feel like the world is a very unfair place, but life's like that.

I find myself questioning a lot of things and wondering about what there is for me in this life. So...I'm going to blog about it and see if I can't figure it out!